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Jigsaw Blades Fits
any comments on this poem?
Walking with you on the pier and light falling,
the heat of the city smoothed our thoughts;
calm at close distance, the jigsaw noise fit
perfectly in place. We waited outside life
for a moment; the sirens, screams and cars
playing soft as music. You pointed out a star,
the white form danced across your eyes, wild
and separate for a second, then a smile
kissed your chin, a crash of colour in the swell
lifted your breath, blushed your cheek, you held
me like a blade then, like gold. Tight and poised
against the empty sea, the dampening horizon.
I imagined black peninsulas, an enormous fishing boat
shocking waves from its bold stern back to yellow shores.
I imagine us alone again, away from cloying lamps and stars,
undressed in silent dark, exploring the coast of what we are.
Very, very well done.
You have the understanding of what makes free verse powerful.
Always try to minimize the number of words whenever possible, and whenever it feels right to the flow of the idea.
Beautifully done, don't stop writing poetry whatever you do!
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